What signs, situations, and people do you look to, to see if you’re doing the “right” thing? My experience says there’s a good chance you’re looking in the wrong places. You’re looking at the wrong things. And you’re listening to the wrong people.
You’re not doing it on purpose, of course. But that doesn’t make what you’re doing any less dangerous. And, if you don’t stop doing it, you might as well kiss your dreams goodbye.
Ciao, baby.
* * *
The Revelation
The best way to help you understand what I’m talking
about here is to tell you a personal story…
It was 2001 and I’d just met Ingrid (now my wife and business partner) at a writers’ conference in Santa Barbara where I was speaking. Two weeks later I asked Ingrid to marry me and she said yes. We then made plans to drive Ingrid and all of her things cross-country… from Malibu, California (where Ingrid was living) to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida (where I was living).
It’ll be a fun adventure.
Unfortunately, since Ingrid had lots of stuff at the time (furniture, artist equipment, art she’d produced, etc.), we had to rent the biggest U-Haul truck available (a 26-footer). To make matters worse, we had to add a flatbed trailer to the back of that monstrosity to tow her car as well.
After the truck was packed, we discovered that one of the men who’d helped us load the truck had packed the keys… in the truck. It was getting dark and there was no way we’d find the keys amidst all the boxes. So we called a locksmith and, several hours later, we were ready to leave and start our new life together.
But…
We couldn’t get out
of the driveway.
The truck was too heavy and the driveway was too steep. I spent the next hour revving the engine, trying to get up the driveway, only to keep rolling back down to the bottom. At one point, the truck almost tipped over when I was backing up. That’s because the driveway was narrow, curved, and elevated above the ground in some spots, about 8-10 inches. However, I was determined, and I revved the truck one last time. The engine screamed and started smoking (one of the belts), but this time the truck crawled up and over the crest of the driveway.
Ingrid and I took a moment and breathed in a deep sigh of relief. We held hands for a moment, kissed, and looked at the spectacular scenery in front of us. We were on top of the world, literally. Even though it was dark out, the moon was bright so we could see the mountains and the ocean in front of us.
Shortly after we started descending the steep mountain road, I started getting comfortable. Driving a huge truck like that, with a car behind it on a trailer, isn’t exactly easy. Especially when you’re going downhill, at night, and there are warning signs everywhere because of the 8% incline. But we were young and invincible—or so I thought.
Approximately halfway down the steep, twisting road I noticed a reflection on the canyon wall to my left. At the same time I remarked to Ingrid that the brakes in the truck were getting soft. Then they stopped working completely.
They were on fire.
I slammed the brake pedal to the floor and pulled the emergency brake with all my strength. At the same time I had to keep the truck on the road. Swerve right and go over a cliff. Swerve left and slam into a rock wall. After what seemed like forever, I got the truck to stop and jumped out to put out the fire… using bottles of drinking water.
After we calmed down, we tried to call AAA so they could tow the truck to a mechanic and take us to a hotel. But there wasn’t any cell phone service. Stupid mountains. I had to lower the ramp to the trailer and remove the chains securing Ingrid’s car. All in the dark, of course. Then we drove down to a hotel and called AAA from there.
A day or two later, after the truck was fixed and we were driving down the highway, people kept waving at us. Weird. Finally, one persistent man started waving AND POINTING toward the back of our truck. I looked in the driver’s side mirror and realized that I’d left the back of the truck open after going in the back at the hotel to get some things.
Oops.
Several hours later, driving Eastbound through the desert, it was so hot (and truck was so heavy) that we couldn’t go more than 30 miles per hour in some places. Steep inclines going through more mountains. Plus the temperature was over 110 degrees. We had to keep the air conditioner turned off to give the truck any chance at all of making it.
Sweet misery.
A couple days after that, the truck broke down a second time. And, of course, we were in the middle of nowhere again. Minutes from Mexico in a Podunk town called Van Horn. When the truck sputtered to a stop, I noticed that Ingrid didn’t seem okay. Earlier in the day we’d thought she was getting a cold, but now she was slurring her words and having trouble staying awake. I ran around to Ingrid’s side of the truck and saw that the right side her throat was red and swollen. With two little holes. Spider bite? I put my hand to her forehead. Fever.
I unchained the car from the flatbed again and looked for a cell signal. Need to find a hospital and call U-Haul. No service. No buildings. No nothing. I got Ingrid in the car and started driving. If I keep going on this highway, we have to run into a city with a hospital at some point.
When I finally got Ingrid to a hospital, the doctors admitted her and asked her to sit on a bed in the ER. As soon as she did, she lifted her hand and there was blood all over it. Where’s it coming from? I yelled for a nurse who examined the bed and told us they’d just operated on a trucker who’d been involved in a traffic accident. He was on that same bed not long ago, lost a lot of blood, and that blood pooled up in the cushion of the bed because there was a cut in the vinyl covering. I ripped the hospital staff a new one. How do you miss something like that? What if that trucker has AIDS? Or God knows what?
The doctors cleaned Ingrid up, gave her antibiotics, and told us that she might have been bitten by a brown recluse spider (extremely venomous). Great. Can anything else go wrong?
Absolutely.
Before we left the hospital I called U-Haul and told them where our truck was, then Ingrid and I went to find a place to stay, back by where we’d left the truck. But Van Horn was like a ghost town. There were bullet holes in one the street signs. Seriously? It was like one of those movies where the reasonably well-to-do guy, gal, or couple ends takes a wrong turn and ends up on the wrong side of town.
This, felt like that.
No joke.
I only let Ingrid leave our hotel twice while we were there. Once we went to a small market to get alcohol swabs, etc. so we could continue cleaning Ingrid’s infected neck. And another time to eat at a hotel bar/restaurant. Many of the people we saw in Van Horn (mostly men) looked like prison convicts. They ogled Ingrid like she was their prey, and they eyeballed me like I was a minor obstacle in their way.
Things can’t get any worse, right?
A day later, we got the call from U-Haul. They’d towed our truck to a garage and had it checked out. The good news was that they found the problem. The bad news was that the truck needed parts. It was summertime (peak season for moving). And there wasn’t a replacement truck available for us. We’d have to wait in our Wild West hotel for another week. And a few hours later I got the flu.
You’ve got to be freaking kidding me.
When we finally got our truck back (a week later), I told Ingrid that I wasn’t going to stop driving until we reached Florida. And I didn’t… even though it was 6 pm when we got our truck back… even though we’d been up all day and I was hopped up on flu medication. I drove 29 hours straight without stopping, except to eat and use the restroom. Reckless, I know. No one should drive that far without rest. But I was younger (and less mature) than I am now.
During that long stretch on the road, more things went wrong. We got lost several times. I had to “rally drive” at one point over really rough terrain (where there was no road) because I took a wrong turn in a place where I couldn’t back up or turn around. Two of the tie-down chains attaching Ingrid’s car to the trailer broke (probably due to the rally driving). The air conditioner stopped working completely. And we got stuck in a small gas station and needed help to get out (hey, you try driving a 26-foot truck with a car trailer on the back).
Now, here’s the point.
During our trip Ingrid and I talked a lot about all of our “bad luck.” So many things happened in such a short time that we began to doubt ourselves. All of those things had to be signs, right? Maybe we weren’t supposed to be going to Florida. Maybe we weren’t supposed to get married. Maybe we were star-crossed lovers, destined for despair.
We seriously considered it,
for a hundred miles
or so.
But then…
We thought of
two other possibilities.
First…
Maybe everything that had happened was just a series of random events that had no meaning at all. In other words, maybe it wasn’t “God’s plan” or anything like that. Maybe it was just a collection of incredible coincidences.
Or…
Maybe it was a test.
Perhaps God or the Universe (or whatever name you want to use), “tests” us when we’re on the verge of doing something important. And it’s up to us to fight for what we want, and prove to ourselves (and the Universe), that we really want it.
Either way, isn’t that a more empowering
approach to looking at the challenges
that come your way each day?
Don’t get me wrong…
Looking outside yourself for wisdom, guidance, and direction is an admirable thing. I do it, too. But there’s a big difference between looking outside yourself in a smart way, and the alternative.
* * *
The Moral of the Story
Don’t fool yourself…
Weakness can often be found
pretending to be wisdom.
As a result, lots of people give away their power without realizing it. They think they’re being open, humble, and wise. But they’re really just being afraid and indecisive. They’re like rudderless boats in a raging sea, being blown to and fro by everything (and everyone) around them.
So, here’s my
question for you…
How often do you look outside yourself
for signs about what you should
or shouldn’t do?
Should I go this school or that school? Marry this person or that person? Take this job or that one? Write this book or that book? Try to get a literary agent or self-publish? Keep writing or stop writing? Give me a sign!!! Come on God, Universe, or whatever. If I’m supposed to do xyz, show me. Give me an indication that’s so clear, I’ll know exactly what to do.
The problem with that type of thinking is that you’re not supposed to do anything. Life doesn’t work that way. And that kind of “logic” will make you feel (and sound) like a crazy person. Of course I’m not saying you should ignore your conscience or break any laws. Just understand and acknowledge this simple truth: Whatever signs you look for, you’re going to find.
We see what we want
and expect to see.
During our trip, Ingrid and I chose to look at everything in our way as a test of our love and commitment to each other. And yes, we’ve had a lot more “tests” together over the last fourteen years we’ve been together. If we thought of all those things as signs, we would’ve gotten divorced years ago. Or we never would’ve gotten married in the first place.
What about you???
Do you know what
you really want, and why?
Do you have clarity and the
confidence of a lion?
Will you do what it takes to reach your goals
no matter what obstacles get in your way
just because you want to reach them?
Or…
Are you always looking outside of yourself for signs and validation? Do you often feel unsure about yourself and have anxiety about your decisions? And do other people often make you question who you are and what you’re doing? Maybe it’s your psychic, spiritual advisor, sister, friend, husband, etc.?
Be careful.
You might think you’re being smart by “seeking the wise counsel” of others. But those people (9 times out of 10) can’t help you. YOU are the one with the power to choose. You might not always want that power, but it’s yours.
So, decide right now to stop reading into things
that aren’t really there; and, instead,
start writing your own future.
Then post a comment
or question below.
And (if you haven’t already seen it)
check out this other article about
your book’s biological clock.
Remember…
Getting publishing isn’t luck,
it’s a decision,
– Mark
* * *
* * *
MARK MALATESTA is a former literary agent turned author coach. Mark now helps authors of all genres (fiction, nonfiction, and children's books) get top literary agents, publishers, and book deals through his company 
MARK MALATESTA is a former literary agent turned author coach. Mark now helps authors of all genres (fiction, nonfiction, and children's books) get top literary agents, publishers, and book deals through his company 
You can’t blame outside circumstances for your inner feelings. If something good happens, it’s a bonus. You can thank God or Karma or whatever you believe in. When something bad happens, I consider it a test and move forward. What a great story, and a learning experience as well. Keep that smile and words of encouragement for everyone.
Rosemary
Hi Rosemary, your words make me smile more… so thanks for reading and posting. And have a wonderful weekend. Your encouragement is appreciated as well. Mark
Hello Mark,
Although I had no opportunity to talk with you on my book oroject(not yet but that will come I assure you!)I really enjoyed all that happened to you and wife-partner on the removal trip. I have family connections in Florida and tried to visualise your strange adventure ! anyway very soon I hope to contact you on the RETURN TO MANILA book which is ready. Thanks and keep well ! Denis
Hi Dennis, thank you for that. And I look forward to connecting with you more when the time is right, to talk about your book. I’d love to help you get it out there. Let’s make this your year. All my best and have a fantastic weekend. Mark
Great story! You certainly have been tested.
It’s always good for me to hear the stories of how other people have struggled.
I believe that creating something magnificent and wonderful like your relationship
Is going to involve struggle but ultimately it’s our perception of the events in our lives
That will determine the beauty we see after the storm has passed.
When attitude is everything like it is for me the the outcome is going to be positive when we love ourselves first. Thanks!
Hi Ryan, thanks for taking a post. As you said, everything magnificent seems to be tested, so here’s to having the right attitude to make it all happen. Have a great weekend. Mark
Hi Mark! Love your story, as only you could write it.
I made a conscious decision that this was my year. My writing has never been stronger. I have four novels. I redesigned my website/blog, started an email list, grew my followers. Once I made that affirmation many great things started happening. And it’s only Feb.! For me, the thought of putting myself out there (guest posts, etc.) terrified me. But once I pushed past my fears a new world opened up, an amazing world. No signs involved.
Hi Sue, it’s comments like this that light up my life. The world is filled with people who love to think and talk about writing more than actually doing it… and marketing their work. So THANK YOU for believing in yourself and being real about the process and doing the work. Makes me believe in you immensely. Good things will happen, and I hope you’ll let us know when they do. Here’s to fearlessness and creating your own signs. 😉 Mark
Mark,
I get the moral of the story. Just when the light gets a little dim, it’s always good to get a some encouragement to make things brighter.
Thanks.
Hi Sabrena, keep that light shining bright… and give yourself time to make that long, cross-country trip of your own. 😉 Mark
Painful story, very well told. Funny how you left California, and now you’re returning — with a pit stop in Colorado along the way. Amazing you ever left Florida once you arrived alive.
Judith, from the other side of the spectrum
Thank you Judith. It was always the plan (and promise) to get Ingrid back to CA. So it wasn’t too much of a shock we left Florida, especially when you factor in the three big hurricanes we had to evacuate for during our last year there. Seriously. But I get your point. 😉 Thanks for reading, stopping by to say hello, and sending the love. Mark
As a Buddhist, I don’t believe in signs or that God plans our lives. We are taught that whatever we want in life, we have to make our effort to get it and not rely on any supernatural entity. Believing in signs is not different from giving up your autonomy in charting your own destiny and I think it’s foolish.
Hi Saw Lian, I know that a lot of people have different views on spirituality. I like what you’re saying. That was the spirit behind the article, making sure that if you do believe in a supernatural entity that you don’t do things that essentially give away (or try to give away) your own responsibility and accountability. It’s an easy trap for people to fall into. Thanks for posting and have a great week. Mark
Excellent article worth tweeting (again!)…
Hi Lisa, thank you for that. Some roads are long and hard, but as long as you have someone that cares about you there for the journey… and you do everything you can to reach your final destination… it’s all good. Thanks for reading and sharing the love. And happy “Heart’s Day” weekend. 😉 Mark
Ecclesiastes 9:11 speaks of unexpected events. My life has been full of “events”. I have made my decision to pursue the publication of the next three books. How I get there is not always clear. I am going the route of traditional publishing. I could easily go to my current publisher and I would likely get the book into print. My goal for my first book was to get it published. I exceeded my goal, it got put onto amazon.com and other online stores. Everyone I met loved the book. I say go for it!
Hi John, I love it. Life’s too short to play small. When I forget that, Ingrid is here to remind me. So I keep challenging myself and going bigger. And I’m going to enjoy seeing how we can help you do the same. Have a wonderful weekend and know I’m looking forward to helping you however I can. Mark
WELCOME TO OUR WORLD…
YOURS AND MINE.
LIFE IS GOOD
Hi Joe Sabah, wonderful to see you. Sending you warm wishes for a happy and prosperous 2015. I know it’s already the middle of February but I haven’t seen you in a while. Ingrid and I think of you often. All of our best to you. Mark
Read this in a singing fashion to the tune of “My Favorite Things” from the Sound of Music w/the Chorus at the very end.
Keys locked in U-Haul the truck way too heavy
Driveway too steep why these problems so many
Brakes catch on fire it’s easy to sing
These are a few of my least favorite things
Trucks needs repair so they need a mechanic
No cell phone service a reason to panic
Ingrid is slurring a spider has bit
Still they push on though they could throw a fit
Off to the ER to get antibiotic
My how this trip has been ever chaotic
Stuck in a town that is no friend to man
Why aren’t things going quite as they planned
Stuck in a motel a week’s not too thrillin’
Waiting for truck parts and it’s not the Hilton
Keeping their chin ups while all comes unglued
What’s this I hear, seems our Mark gets the flu
Chorus
When the spider, sat beside her, and these things went wrong
They simply decided to stay on their ride and let their love prove them strong.
Hi Lynn, now I think I know you’re secret. Reading this with Julie Andrews’ voice in my head was too funny. I’m just glad we didn’t go over a cliff so I was around to enjoy this. 😉 Have a great weekend and keep being you. The world is a better place because you are. Mark
Mark Great Story. As club members we are taught early that “Success is a decision away”. YOUR wish is YOUR command and that the creator of your life is YOU. Pay attention to who you listen too. Be mindful of your teach-ability index (are you willing to learn and are you willing to change). The training balance scale of thought versus action and the four steps of knowledge. You don’t know what you don’t know, you know that you don’t know, conscious competence, unconscious competence. Thats it.
Hi Jim, well said. I almost made a joke at the end of the article that went along the lines of people listening to me as their coach… or listening to any good coach… is different… because it is. 😉 There’s a fine line between knowing when to listen to your own inner voice, and the voice of someone else. That’s why it’s good to at least eliminate looking for signs where they don’t exist at all. Anyway, I don’t mean to be preaching to the choir, just enjoyed your comment. All my best to you and yours, have a great weekend, and see you again soon. Mark
Mark:
You were writing my story. I love the comment that God is testing you because you’re on the verge of something great. I’ve experienced a lot tests lately. It’s a reminder that the Divine is preparing me for great work of service. Thank you for this powerful reminder.
Blessings,
Andrea Scott
“The Queen of Copywriting”
Hi Andrea, thanks for posting. Here’s to not being a victim in any way, and making our own meaning so we can be more successful and of greater service. FYI, I checked out your website and read your “About” section. I know what you’re going through figuring out and growing your business, and wish you nothing but the best. Keep doing what you’re doing and you’ll get where you want/need to go. Warm wishes to you and yours this weekend. Mark
Thanks for sharing that tragically comic story of your cross country ordeal. I agree completely that things mean only what we want them to and not the mystical signs of a pernicious God, Universe, or life Karma that determines what we’re supposed to do. Focus on the things we love in life and try to avoid the bad.
Hi Warren, I love the phrase “tragically comic”. Well said. Here’s to making our own meaning. Have a great weekend and see you again soon. I got you email about you know what and I’ll reply today or tomorrow. Mark
I love this perspective. God doesn’t want to make all our decisions for us. Quite the opposite. The Christian in me knows that God wants us to get what we really want, what will make us truly happy. It’s us who get confused, looking in the wrong places, listening to the wrong messages. So we need to make a decision in ourselves and go for it, no matter what.
Hi Jen, no matter what faith anyone is… reading this article… I guess I should say… after reading your comment… Amen, sister. 😉 Thanks for posting and have a great weekend. Mark
Mark – I agree with you that life is what you make it in spite of hazards that get in your way. Illness, loss of a job, death or loss of a loved one. It doesn’t matter – if you trust your own internal compass to direct you to true north. The trick is knowing true north. And that is a decision you must make before you set out on the road. Writing is one of those disciplines that require that kind of internal strength. Your friends aren’t sitting down daily to write. You are.
Hi Pat, great point… and knowing what true north is, isn’t easy, by any stretch… as you know. But the more we pay attention to ourselves (instead of listening too much to other people), we get better at figuring it out. Of course I should have said in my article that my clients listening to me in my coaching programs is completely different. They should only listen to me in that situation. Ha ha ha. Just kidding. Mostly. We should all listen to people and weigh what they say, but they need to know what they’re talking about. Too many people give advice about things they’re clueless about. Anyway, have a fabulous Friday and a wonderful weekend… and thanks for adding your thoughts. Here’s to you and your continued success. Mark
Great story of how you accidently packed Murphy’s Law in the truck; right there next to the truck keys. Your perseverance
was truly inspirational. Some the hardships you went through, reminded me of some the hardships my onw family has trudged through. Thank you for helping me to remember, and to be thankful for all of our trials and tirbulations.
Hi Flash, I’m telling you. What a journey, right? Anyway, I was exhausted just remembering this trip… so I’m glad you were able to relate and it gave you a boost. It’s so easy for any one of us to think we’re the only one going through difficult challenges. But everyone has them. And everyone has the ability to overcome. Thanks for taking time to reach out, and thank you for the kinds words. Have a great Friday and weekend. Mark
Mark and Ingrid, lovely story. So happy you have that memory, no mater how bizarre it was, it is something you both can share, forever.
I too, had dreams of writing a novel which would be remembered long after my demise. Then in Oct. & Nov. I had 2 serious strokes and now have Parkinson’s disease. I started writing short stories, not knowing how long I would have to continue writing, since it has limited my ability ‘think’ of the right words to use. It is my only source of enjoyment. Bizarre..
Hi Elizabeth, without memories and stories like that… what would I ever talk about on my blog? Ha ha ha. Thank you for posting and we’re glad you have your writing to bring you peace and happiness while you’re facing your own challenges. We admire your kindness and courage in the face of it all. Have a wonderful weekend and know we’re thinking of you. Mark (and Ingrid)
Gorgeous Elizabeth, it’s true obstacles and challenges shows you who you have as a partner, will they stay, will they fight side by side with you, will they show up when you need them…
YOU’RE AMAZING and BRAVE, &I am sorry to hear that you are having illnesses it’s really difficult to keep going but I believe that writing can truly heal you… so I hope even if you only can do a few minutes at the time that you keep going…
Have a wonderful Valentine’s weekend, Superstar!
Ingrid
Gorgeous Husband,
Our journey to Florida was so incredibly AMAZING… because it left no doubt, and gave us all the tools to be this incredible team that we are, we learned trust, resilience and having to a sense of humor and being with someone who you truly ADORE… I am as excited and amazed by you even 14 years later… love that you’re sharing this story… because I really am so happy I didn’t look for signs but followed my heart… -Ingrid
Hello beloved, I just hope our upcoming move BACK to California is less eventful. If not, I’ll still hold your hand. There’s no one I’d rather have these adventures with. And I’m glad you followed your heart. Good thing for me you trusted that instead of everything happening around us. Mark
Gorgeous Mark,
I’ve found that listening to your heart vs. paying too much attention to the drama around you has really served me… especially that really eventful trip from California to Florida, I think that is when I developed a really strange sense of humor…. to laugh and dance when you are faced with obstacles… and laugh at the face of fear…
Adore you my superstar!
Ingrid
Great reading! Wise counsel. Much obliged, Mark.
Thanks and
Happy Trails
Chris
Hi Chris, thanks for reading and posting. Now that I’ve finally told this story I can put it behind me. I still get nervous anytime I have to take a road trip now. Ha ha ha. Anyway… here’s to looking for the signs we want, and seeing them. Instead of the alternative. Have a great Friday and weekend. Mark