This week’s feature article can help you get published, but it might also save your life. How’s that for a bold promise? It might seem like hype, but it’s the truth.
I do have to warn you though (as I often do), this article doesn’t contain straightforward advice. It’s a story. You might even say it’s a mystery.
No, there isn’t a murder involved.
And, this isn’t a whodunit.
It’s whatdunit.
So…
Let’s get on with it,
shall we???
* * *
My Misadventures on Mount Vesuvius
For approximately ten years I suffered from mild stomach pain. It wasn’t a big deal at first, so I didn’t try too hard to figure out what the problem was. It was simply annoying.
Don’t be a baby.
Take some Tums.
Drink a couple shots
of Pepto Bismol.
I didn’t know
what else I could do.
The symptoms would usually appear during a meal when I was eating out at a restaurant with my wife, Ingrid. It wasn’t anything she said or did (although, at the time, I considered everything). It also didn’t seem to matter what I ate, or how much.
Even when I ate a salad,
the symptoms were the same.
Feeling bloated.
Clammy.
Claustrophobic.
Need to loosen my belt.
Drink a few sips of ice water.
Step outside and get some fresh air.
Sometimes Ingrid and I would have to go home immediately after dinner instead of going for a walk or doing something else. Our date nights would climax with me shifting in my seat and making strange faces due to the discomfort. On more than one occasion I had to ask Ingrid to drive us home because I was turning fifty shades of green.
I was the proverbial party pooper.
Poor Ingrid…
But it was later, after we got home from a restaurant, that the real fireworks would begin. I don’t mean a fight or disagreement about how much it stunk for Ingrid to be with someone so frail (although that would have been fair).
No, these fireworks were happening
inside my stomach.
Bubbling sensations.
Sharp pains.
Uh-oh.
Getting light-headed.
Feeling like I need
to lie down.
Wait…
Where’s the
restroom!?
Like most people with seemingly “minor” medical concerns, I thought my stomach issues were just a minor inconvenience. I thought I was smarter than I really am, and, I diagnosed myself.
I stopped eating things like beans and onions, broccoli and cauliflower, and cabbage. That didn’t do it. Then I thought I might be allergic to seafood and I stopped eating that.
Nope.
In fact, things got worse.
I started getting sick all the time. Not just head colds, either. I’m talking walking pneumonia for months at a time. Repeatedly. In 2012 I think I was sick more often than I was healthy.
Then…
I passed out on a few
different occasions.
I fell down twice
in the process.
I hit my head (hard)
on the ground
both times.
And I had
a seizure.
Will somebody call
an ambulance, please?
Yes, I finally went to the hospital to figure out what was happening. I couldn’t be in denial any more. I was scared. And Ingrid was threatening to divorce me if I didn’t go the doctor.
Easy decision.
Over the course of several months
I had lots of tests done: EKG,
blood work, urine analysis,
and allergy testing.
Then the results…
Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS)?
No.
Kidney stones?
No.
Bad heart?
No.
Allergies?
No.
Stress?
No.
What was it, then?
I simply had
a thyroid condition.
Who knew?
When your thyroid is out of whack, your immune system can become virtually nonexistent. Once I knew what the problem was, it was easy to fix. You take some medication or treat your thyroid with natural cures. That’s what I did and I haven’t been sick since.
Here’s the point…
One “stupid little thing” can wreak havoc in your life, or end it. Same thing is true when it comes to your publishing career.
All too often we:
- Don’t realize how serious our issues are.
- We don’t have the knowledge or tools to fix them alone.
- And/or we’re too stubborn to get help.
I was guilty on all three counts.
How about you???
When it comes to your publishing career (and your health), I have a couple recommendations. That’s because I’d like to see you get your books published, and that isn’t going to happen if you’re not alive and kicking… or you’re not doing the right things.
So…
When it comes to your health, check out this book and get a copy: Intestinal Health. One of my author coaching clients, Mardell Hill, wrote it and it’s awesome. It’s a fast and easy read that will give you a better understanding about what you put in your body, and how to cleanse it. Plus, if you have any kind of stomach issues whatsoever, it can help you fix them. By the way, Mardell didn’t ask me to do this. I asked her if it would be okay AND I got her to lower the price of her book for you from $29.95 to $19.95. But you have to get the book now since this is a limited time offer.
Now…
When it comes to you getting a top literary agent I don’t have a book to recommend. But I do have a website (you’re on it right now) that’s packed with articles to help you get that book deal you’ve been dreaming of. I have a special Ask a Literary Agent page on my website where you can ask me questions.
And…
If you don’t already know this, you can schedule a 1-on-1 introductory coaching call with me. Use me as your Book Marketing Coach to help you develop or promote your books. In other words, I’ll diagnose some of the painful symptoms YOU might be experiencing… as an author. In the book department I’m well qualified.
Chances are I have a “magic pill”
to cure whatever’s ailing you.
Don’t wait until disaster strikes
(like I did) to get help.
Reach out,
– Mark
* * *
* * *
MARK MALATESTA is a former literary agent turned author coach. Mark now helps authors of all genres (fiction, nonfiction, and children's books) get top literary agents, publishers, and book deals through his company 
MARK MALATESTA is a former literary agent turned author coach. Mark now helps authors of all genres (fiction, nonfiction, and children's books) get top literary agents, publishers, and book deals through his company 
Never ignore a health problem! Glad you’re feeling better
Hi Mary, never again. I’ve been humbled too many times now. 😉 Have a great Friday and weekend and thanks for posting! Mark
Not to be sexist, but isn’t is just a man thing; self diagnosing and not wanting to go to the doctor? Wait. I’m doing that with my novel…
Thanks for the insight!
Hi Wendy, I don’t mind you being sexist… because you’re probably right. And stereotypes exist for a reason most of the time. At least in my case. I used to feel like I needed to figure everything out on my own. Now I’m smarter. Thank goodness for the women in my life who’ve shown me that asking for help is actually a sign of wisdom. 😉 Have a great weekend and thanks for posting. Mark
Timely on your health issues…I’ve got an appointment next week with my internist for similar symptoms. Thank you for your candid report on your issues and very cleaver relating this to the book writing and publication process.
Hi JoDee, I hope the appointment went well. Health challenges can make it hard to stay positive and productive, so I hope everything is ok. And I’m glad you liked the article. Have a great Friday and weekend! Mark
This is good advice. For me, hearing any kind of negative feedback about my writing would cause bad feelings, thinking that the constructive criticism meant that I wasn’t good enough. I’ve come to realize that any feedback is fantastic, especially the negative kind, because it helps me figure out where the problem is and get creative about how to make it better.
Hi Savannah, with that attitude… nothing can stop you. I wish everyone was more optimistic and opportunistic (in a good way) in day to day situations. Any other point of view is an absolute waste of time and energy. And it kills dreams. Here’s to being positive and problem-solving. Happy holidays and thanks for posting! Mark
Ikeep working some each day tholugh we have emotional stress due to my grand daughter who is bi-polar wanting to kill herself (she’s tried 6 times alreads and is only 16)
C harlie
Hi Charlie, looking forward to our call tomorrow… and I admire what you’re doing to help take care of your granddaughter. I can only imagine how difficult that must be. See you in a bit. Mark
Hormone issues are more common now, since our foods are so messed up. Glad to hear you’re in good health now! I know I experience weird stomach symptoms with dairy. Also eggs, though not a dairy will react in my belly as if it were a dairy. So I’ve since eliminated dairy from my diet and take papaya enzymes if I’m going to eat eggs. Works like a charm! By the way, your photo looked good. Can see the weight loss in your face. Good job to Ingrid in looking out for her man! 🙂 Go girl!
Hi Again, and Happy Holidays! I didn’t say that in the other comment. I’m glad you’re figuring out your digestion issues, too. Here’s to happiness and good health and looking better in photos and being with people that care about us. Happy Friday and weekend. Mark
Oh, funny. When you said 50 shades of green, I thought it was a play on words for “Fifty Shades of Gray”….and so now you’re GREEN with ENVY. Get it? (Because of how successful?) Anyway…I feel you’ve already given us gold with how to be successful for ourselves. Now, we all just need to apply it:) I found your past article of “What’s in a Name” quite helpful. So much so, that it made me give a new look to an old novel I’d written, and it’s been very inspiring. So…thanks for that.
Hi KW, I’ve now had people give me several different ideas that they thought of when they read that title. And I only thought of one of them. I guess my subconscious is smarter than my conscious mind. Ha ha ha. I’ll still take credit for it though. Always good hearing from you and I’m glad you got something out of the “What’s in a Name” article. That’s one of my favorite topics! I’ll be doing something related again soon. 😉 Mark
Great article….interesting and helpful! I have been reading the information on your website and I must admit you are very encouraging. I really need that encouragement right now in my quest to get published. Keep those words of wisdom coming…..
Thanks!
Hi Vicky, I’m happy to be part of your encouragement circle. After I launched this website a little over two years ago I realized that it’s not just about helping writers create good content. It’s also about helping them consistently believe that they CAN. Thanks for being part of my community and have a great holiday season. Mark
Mom’s heartattack shocked her kidneys back into working, She had enough of both to live–but no more. She was in the process of treating the cancer that caused all this when I, upstairs in my room, developed a severe kidney stone attack. Dr advised to get to the ER fast–How? Mom and dad were sitting downstairs. There was no other way out. I had to walk past them…didn’t think the ambulance would meet me down the street-wasn’t sure what would happen to her as a result of all the hubbub. “Dad,” I called. “Psst, I need to talk to you.” I pleaded to no avail because he wasn’t wearing his hearing aid! So, I got my handbag, down the steps and with the most peculiar walk managed to walk between them. Mom asked what was wrong with me. “Oh, nothing!” I squeaked out looking like I’d already gone to war as I was grinding my teeth with each step. Behind the wheel, I straight armed my way to the er to a stretcher before rolling and screaming. I ended up in the same room and bed where mom got her last rites when she found me because the hospt had to call them….and where she really laid into me for thinking she was that fragile. Guess she wasn’t after all. I could have taken the limo and done it the ez way. Who knew? “Mom, I’m really sick, can we talk about this later?” Good grief, I hoped history never repeated itself in this case. I hope you’re feeling good now. :You forgot one important aspect of a healthy book—money! Happy Holidays, Mark and Ingrid-Jeanann
Hi Jeanann, thank you for sharing… and I hope everyone in your family is healthy this holiday season. I feel for anyone who ever has to pass a kidney stone. Brutal. Hope I never have to go through that again. Here’s to drinking lots of cranberry juice… good health… and making money as a writer. 😉 Mark
I have a hypo thyroid so I know what you mean–I suspected a problem when my hair was falling out but didn’t look into it. Years later, a routine test was done and I found out I had no thyroid function at all. Thankfully, my body does a good job processing the meds so I’m okay. I’m glad you discovered your situation before something even more drastic occurred. How could we be learning all this good stuff without you around to post it? Blessings to you and Ingrid for the holidays and beyond. 🙂
Hi Rhymster, sorry to hear you’re part of the “Thyroid Club” but it’s nice knowing I’m not alone. I’m glad you got it figured out. Mine was off the charts too. You know it’s bad when the doctors say “Wow!” Oops. Here’s to us staying healthy and happy and creative. Have a great weekend! Mark
Wow – who’d a thunk thyroid, with all those seemingly abominable abdominal atrocities? Now back to green eggs and ham…
Hi Claudia, exactly… right? But what do I know about the human body. A lot more nowadays, unfortunately. Now I’m paranoid and get everything checked out. My doctor must think I’m a hypochondriac, but I like to think I’m just cautious. 😉 Have a great weekend and I’m going to pass on the green eggs and half. Maybe eggs from organic free range chickens, and some salmon. Have a great weekend and thanks for saying hello. Mark
When I saw fifty shades of green
Assumed you’d talk of money
Instead you were alluding to
A tummy that felt crummy
I’m glad that you were diagnosed
On now you’re back on course
With lots of tests and their results
It’s seems you found the source
Our thyroid is a tiny thing
But when she’s out of whack
She causes havoc as you found
Described by your attacks
When I perused your symptom list
I thought of gluten’s tricks
But seems your thyroid misbehaved
So glad you got things fixed!!
Hi Lynn, that’s funny… I didn’t even think of that angle. But it makes perfect sense. And thanks for the gluten tip. If I have any more issues, I’ll look at that next! Have a great weekend. Mark
Can I just cut and paste my comment from last week on Ingrid’s article? I was just telling her what a wonderful thing our body is and how listening to it is so important.
Hi Jen, shouldn’t be a problem. Go for it. And sorry for the delay with your comment here showing up. It went to spam for some reason! 😉 Mark
Hi Mark,
Doesn’t sound like life was too great there for a while. Glad to hear you got a handle on it. I have every intention of consulting with you regarding my book. If there is one thing I know from taking courses its the more I learn, I realize just how much more I need to learn. It can be daunting at times, but taken in small steps is comfortably doable. I can eat an elephant one bite at a time! Next month is a 3 paycheck month, so trying to get my ducks in a row.
Till then.
Marilyn
Hi Marilyn, not sure what happened but your comments went to spam… so I rescued this one. 😉 I’m looking forward to working with you when the time is right. But right now all that matters is what you said… steadily moving forward taking small steps. You will get there. You ARE getting there. Keep doing what you’re doing and that elephant will be gone before you know it! Mark
Perfect story telling Mark! Well stated and true to encouraging people to not be in De-Nile (a river in Egypt) … Ignoring stomach or abdominal pain or discomfort can become an issue much like ignoring a tooth ache. After checking with the doctor, or just as preventative, as you said, my book offers day to day intestinal health care to stop or prevent abdominal pain! Everyone needs this good sense, easy to understand and apply information… Perhaps a touch bias, but true, true, true!
Hi Mardell, I just hope people take it seriously and take advantage of the offer to get your book a special price. Just one night without stomach pain is worth it… ha ha. Seriously. And you’re allowed to be biased. It’s a good book, and an important topic. Thank you for letting me make this offer to my community, and have a great weekend. Mark
Dear Mr. Mark, I haven’t finished my manuscript yet, but I am still writing. Also, I want to get published with a small company first and then with Random House. I was told that if I published first with a small company that this would increase my chances of a literary agent looking at my work.If this is true, please let me know. Also, I do plan to keep you in mind.Please reply back. Respectively, James L. Thompson
Hi James, happy to hear that you’re moving forward with your manuscript… and that I might be able to help you make it happen. Just make sure you talk to me before moving forward with that smaller company you’re thinking about. That could actually hurt your chances with a publisher like Random House. Have a good weekend and stay in touch. Mark
Great Metaphor. I have a different digestive metaphor in the study skills book I’m writing, taking the chew and digest rather than swallowing whole idea a step further.
My question: I just read an article saying that a nonfiction proposal should now include a “One Pager” with all the important stuff on a single page of less than 1000 words. I can’t imagine 1000 words or anything near that on a single page. Does this mean the info can be single spaced? And where in the proposal should it go?
Hi Judy, I’m glad the metaphor worked for you. I’m determined to use every strange event and experience from my life for good somehow in my writing. 😉 It’s fun figuring out ways to repurpose our life events, isn’t it? About your question, the one pager you described to me is a killer query… an executive summary of the proposal. At least that’s how I do it. And yes, single-spaced. But I don’t do that in the proposal. Mark
Good one Mark. Been there, did that, 30 years ago. I was ‘green’ all the time. Had my thyroid removed, and made a miraculous recovery in 2 weeks. Been well every since, just can not overcome the ‘green’ in aging. Walking is my therapy. 2 miles every day, sometimes 3.
Writing is the cure for what ails me. When I’m writing, something magical happens. I feel like I’m having an out of body experience. I am what I write. Just need someone else to appreciate this. Agent, where art thou?
Hi Elizabeth, a fellow thyroid person. Ha. Happy to know you. Although I’m sorry to hear you went through that. Didn’t realize having the thyroid removed was necessary for some people. Hopefully I don’t have to learn more about it. 😉 Glad to know you’re walking. Running is my favorite cardio exercise. I usually do 3-5 miles. And writing is another form of “therapy” all together. So is connecting with likeminded people on my blog. So thank u for being here! And we’ll get you that agent. Mark
It’s really important for all of us to take full responsibility for our health . . . and when it calls for our attention, denial is not necessarily to best option!
I’m happy for you and Ingrid, as well as all of us out here looking for your insights and guidance that you finally took control of your health.
Wahoo . . . welcome back!
All my best,
Suz
Hi Suz, yes… denial only lasts so long. 😉 At least our bodies often do something to get our attention before it’s too late. Even if it does require us to fall down a couple of times before we notice. Ha ha ha. Anyway, I’m healthy now and looking forward to my call with you. See you soon. Mark
Well happy Friday to you both! Here’s to health and to getting one’s “Literary Rear In Gear,” via your expertise! I have already learned so very much, and from your MP3 recording, your newsletters, and archive of great columns too! You’re one super source! (And with “translate-ability” and authentic teaching skills). So there! Meanwhile, with a surf & turf weekend ahead, I’ll be certain not to neglect the precious waves and terrain for book doings too, so cheers to it all! And thanks for today!
Hi Leah, happy Friday right back at you. Have I told you lately that you’re part of my inspiration to get (and stay) healthy? Now I know you’ve been a slacker in the past when it comes to exercise, but the way you eat is something for everyone to model. 😉 Here’s to surf and turf. Yum. Last night Ingrid helped me make organic chicken wings for the Broncos game. She doesn’t eat chicken or watch football. That’s love. Happy weekend to you! Mark
Thank you tons! And I’m excited about that yoga book (from your other post/comment), so delighted I made you laugh, and am thrilled my palate serves as inspiration too! How fantastic! And yes, for Ingrid to prepare poultry, and for football viewing? That IS love! Here’s to it all!!!!!
Did you get it yet? Huh, huh? The yoga book? It’s really that good. How did your exercise go this week? Am I on top of it or WHAT??? Much love. Hope you enjoy tomorrow’s article. Mark