A while back, I gave two presentations at a writers’ retreat in Arizona with my lovely and talented wife (and business partner), Ingrid Elfver.
After the first presentation we got oohs and aahs. Glowing remarks. Gushing.
“Wonderful and informative” they said.
Awesome.
The second presentation was different. Some people got a lot out of it, but others got upset (and that’s putting it mildly). A couple participants actually walked out in the middle of our presentation.
Why would I fess up to that?
First, because I learned a lot about myself in the process. Second, because I know that telling you about it will empower you as well.
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Here’s What Happened
The retreat took place in the picturesque red rock mountains of Sedona, a city known for its history and archaeology; arts and culture; shopping; outdoor sports; and spiritual/metaphysical community.
The event was a “Wellness & Writing” retreat attended mostly by authors who read books by publishers like Hay House (self help, inspirational, and transformational books).
For the most part the attendees were:
* Unpublished authors
* Early in their writing/career development
* Spiritual/metaphysical
* Intuitive/sensitive
* Focused on healing and wellness in their own lives
(in some cases the inspiration for their books)
So, what went wrong???
* * *
Breaking It Down
The first presentation Ingrid and I gave was standard schtick.
It was early in the morning and I could hear birds singing outside as I started my talk. I began by painting a pretty picture of how great it would be for everyone to get a top literary agent and book deal. I built everyone up, encouraged them to believe that is was possible.
I also addressed common fears and resistance that many authors have. I provided basics about how the publishing industry works. Lastly, I shared case studies illustrating how to give a book greater bestseller or high commercial potential.
When I was done, Ingrid encouraged everyone as well. She also inspired them to think bigger… about their business and brand. Authors are entrepreneurs after all, and books are just one potential stream of income. Others might include speaking, merchandise, coaching, etc.
Ingrid went on to help everyone see how they could bring more of themselves into their work. In other words, be more authentic and trust the fact that they can do more of what they’re really best at, and enjoy doing the most.
Pretty easy sell.
Everyone (myself included) likes to be nurtured
and hear about what’s possible.
That’s the fun stuff…
* * *
Then We Shifted Gears
After our first presentation Ingrid and I had lunch at a gorgeous restaurant next to a creek, and we enjoyed some downtime in our hotel room. Then we headed back to the retreat to host our very own “Author Shark Tank.”
Ingrid and I selected three different people to come up to the front of the room, one at a time, and sit in our “Author Hot Seat.” We stood on opposite sides of each person to provide intensive 2-on-1 laser coaching.
That’s when things got “messy.”
Yes, we continued to be encouraging and show people what was possible for them (things they wanted to hear). But this wasn’t just us speaking anymore.
It was us coaching.
Coaching is interactive.
Coaching is about action and transformation.
Coaching is about getting real and doing the work.
* * *
So, We Pushed Buttons
* We revealed weaknesses and limiting beliefs
* We talked about reality, making money, and success
* We told people they were wrong when they were wrong
* We challenged them to think bigger and take bolder action, concrete action steps that would take them out of their comfort zones and require more work than they had originally planned on doing (pushing everyone beyond the happy bliss of just birthing books)
* * *
To Be Honest, It Was a Bit Much
If we’d been speaking to a group of CEOs or seasoned entrepreneurs it would have been fine. But we weren’t. Remember, this group was made up of mostly unpublished authors very early in their writing/career development; spiritual/metaphysical; intuitive/sensitive; and focused on healing and wellness in their own lives (in most cases the driving force behind their books).
By the way, any time you start to “lose” an audience as a speaker, it’s your fault. We came on way too strong (talking business) with (mostly) a bunch of newbies that were (for the most part) just trying to find the confidence they needed to start writing their first books. We were so focused on how we could help the people there grow… that we tried to push them too far too fast.
We also should have spent more time (before starting the session) setting the stage: explaining the value of what we were about to do; framing everything we were about to present as opportunity; giving people permission to feel overwhelmed and/or opt out; and remind people that focusing on smart business strategy doesn’t mean you’re inauthentic or only in it for the money.
We realized this (to some extent) while it was happening,
and made some feeble adjustments.
But it wasn’t enough…
As I mentioned earlier, two people walked out.
Then, later on (long after the event), Ingrid and I heard
through the grapevine it got worse after we left.
Awkward…
Now that I’ve had a few weeks to process everything, I’ve boiled it all down to this… the moral of the story. There are two of them, actually:
* * *
Lesson #1: Fear vs. Opportunity
At first when I learned that people (including the event coordinator)
were disappointed, I got afraid.
Oh, no, did people gather in groups and say bad stuff about us that night when we left after the hot seat? Is the event coordinator going to invite us to future events? Will the attendees still want to work with us and sign up for our coaching programs? Will people from the event let what happened get in the way of their growth and development?
Then I remembered…
I’m not the kind of guy who likes to live in fear.
So, I chose the alternative.
Opportunity.
I sat down and wrote the event coordinator a thoughtful email. I expressed my gratitude and some of my regrets. I explained why Ingrid and I did some of the things we did. And I made suggestions for what might be done differently in the future (hopeful that we might be able to mend fences and do more with the event coordinator in the future).
She replied with an extremely gracious email, but it was also heartbreaking. That’s when she told me how upset some of the attendees had gotten.
I jumped right back into fear.
Oh, God, it’s exactly what I thought. No, it’s worse than I thought. I suck. We suck. What a wasted trip. Man, we had such a great start to the event and then blew it with the “Author Hot Seat.”
Then my “higher self” returned.
Opportunity.
I emailed the event coordinator again, thanking her for being so kind and even-handed in her email. It was obvious she put a lot of thought into it and didn’t want to hurt our feelings. She even said that she was worried that her email might have been too direct.
I told her it wasn’t too direct.
It was honest.
Then I thanked her for being brave enough to speak her truth (so few people have the balls to do that). Even though a lot of what the event coordinator said was difficult to hear, Ingrid and I needed to hear it. The event coordinator and I talked on the phone a couple weeks later (this is where it really gets interesting). According to her, our presence at the event wasn’t a total disaster after all.
She said, “Although some people at the event got protective of our tight group, and the discussions about money pulled a lot of folks out of their comfort zones – some positive effects are beginning to be seen. Many times (especially when it comes to money) people often need to be pulled a little out of their current mindset to see the bigger picture!!”
Here’s the point…
Everyone at the retreat (myself, Ingrid, the event coordinator, and all the attendees) were forced to make a choice during (and after) the event:
- Use everything that took place as an opportunity to learn and grow
- Go into fear (get defensive, find fault, and focus on others instead of yourself)
Staying positive and looking for opportunities advances you.
Going into fear holds you back.
The choice we all make
in these situations is critical…
If you want to be a true “master” (spiritually, in writing, or in anything else in life), it starts here. The event coordinator is a master. Ingrid is a master. I’m a master. And so is everyone else that attended the retreat… who chose opportunity and grace.
Life (and people) are imperfect.
Including me.
Get over it.
That’s not what matters.
What matters is what you do with the imperfection. That reveals your true character. It also defines the limits of the success you’ll be able to achieve (in your writing, in your relationships, and in every other part of your life).
Don’t get afraid, look for the opportunity.
Ingrid is much better at this than I am.
I get afraid, she doesn’t.
When I first told Ingrid about the email I got from the event coordinator, explaining how some people at the event got triggered, she laughed. “That’s good,” she said. “We got people’s attention and made them think. Eventually they’ll come around and see that we had good intentions and only wanted to help them grow.”
I took everything a lot harder.
That’s because I’m still in the process of getting comfortable… making other people uncomfortable (whereas Ingrid is already a master at this). For me, the couple weeks after Sedona were more of an emotional roller-coaster. Humbling. A learning experience that made me question what I do (and why).
I hope you’re learning from the experience, too.
* * *
Lesson #2: Love vs. Tough Love
Wanting people to feel good and/or like you is tempting as a speaker or coach, but that should never be the primary drive of a speaker or coach. If that happens, it should be called nurturing and/or people-pleasing.
Not coaching.
Yes, I want as many people as possible to love me when I speak and coach. But it’s more important to me that people reach their goals. Even if that means they’re going to get upset (as long as they’re nice about it).
I get it.
It’s uncomfortable…
That’s because I’m consciously making you uncomfortable, challenging you, and stretching you.
It isn’t supposed to be all sunshine and lollipops.
* * *
As a speaker and coach I have to:
* Reveal myths and misconceptions
* Share insider information about the publishing industry and/or business world that might be difficult for you to hear or accept
* Expose your weaknesses and shortcomings (so you can improve)
* Get you to be more realistic about how much work you’ll have to do and help you be more patient
* Tell you if you’re delusional
* Hold you accountable (if that’s something you need)
As your coach I’m going to fight for you. I’m going to fight with you if needed. And I’m going to show you how you’re fighting yourself.
One of my favorite marketing gurus says, “If you’re not pissing a few people off in business… you’re playing it safe, not really taking a stand for anything, and not helping people grow as much as you could.”
I agree.
It’s called “tough love” and that’s what I do.
If you want a yes-man, that’s not me.
Because I want you to succeed.
I’m not just in this for standing ovations (although they’re wonderful). Matter of fact, if you found this article enlightening and/or empowering… I’d love to hear from you below. And (if you’re one of the authors who attended the retreat in Sedona), I hope you got a lot out of it. You can do absolutely anything you put your mind to.
Ingrid and I believe in you,
– Mark
Mark Malatesta
Your “Undercover” Agent
* * *
* * *
MARK MALATESTA is a former literary agent turned author coach. Mark now helps authors of all genres (fiction, nonfiction, and children's books) get top literary agents, publishers, and book deals through his company 
MARK MALATESTA is a former literary agent turned author coach. Mark now helps authors of all genres (fiction, nonfiction, and children's books) get top literary agents, publishers, and book deals through his company 
Hi Mark,
I feel that fears grows out of “tough love” and “tough love” cannot be fully achieved without a certain amount of fear. The two have always walked hand in hand in my life and I have used this to achieve my goals.
Hi Dorlies. Happy Saturday! I hope you are having a good one. I know how busy you are so thank you for taking a moment to stop by, say hello, and share your thoughts. Talk soon. Mark
Dorlies,
Out of our comfort zone gets us to our goals… love that!
Blissings,
Ingrid
I don’t know what you said, but I do know Ingrid and as an expert in your field Mark, it sounds like you had courage. As a published author working on my 4th book, it takes guts, determination and perseverance to succeed in the material world of publishing and a lot of heart. Thanks for sharing!
Hi Anne! It’s been a while so I just popped over and checked out your new website. It’s rocking. Seems like you are doing fantastic… love seeing that. Thanks for stopping by to read my post and leaving such a kind comment. Mark
What an interesting individual you are. I am a newbie to your world. I must share that although at first I accepted your experience as reality, I soon began to suspect that it was a story of enhanced reality, recounted to present a teachable moment. I read it with interest. I read all the comments. Some were quite profound in their own right. I enjoyed a full 360 of judgmental engagement. I was especially impresses with your relationship with your wife which can be gathered from the piece. If you work as hard at that as you most certainly do at your “job” (wonderful, time consuming responses) that relationship will be immensely rewarding.
I look forward to learning from you.
Hi Ken, thank you for saying that… and thanks for staying open as you read everything. This article is probably in my top five list of most delicate/challenging things I’ve ever sat down to write. And many of the comments by others (I think that’s what you meant) have been, as you said, quite profound. Thanks again for sharing and don’t hesitate to post a question for me if I can help you in any way in the book department. All my best. Mark
Love your article, Mark. Just like anything building a business, writing a book, spiritual growth, the ego only wants what is safe and easy. Real growth is moving out of your comfort zone. I KNOW those people were awakened (even if they didn’t like it).
The reality is that reaching your dreams is hard work. You aren’t going to visualize it and magically have it appear because it is on your vision board.
Those who see the gift of what you did are ideal clients. 🙂
Hi Debi, seeing your reply made my morning. Yes, there was awakening… my goal, however, is to have everyone (or almost always everyone) enjoy the awakening process… even if they’re getting majorly stretched. Something I usually achieve. Loved your comment about things not magically appearing just because we visualize them. And yes, those people who do come to us as clients from this event will be ideal. They know what they’re in for. 😉 Thanks for posting, think of you often. Mark
First of all, Mark, thank you for your exceptional candor, and willingness to share your own vulnerabilities. (Makes it easier for your clients to do so; they know you understand.)
Second, I had the experience you had—twice— until I realized I was scaring newbie writers. Although others said it was good I told the truth, I realized I could have prepared the newbies better. I’ve made some adjustments, which is crucial. It’s important not to be rigid in our teaching or learning efforts!
Hi Lynette, thank you for your thoughtful comment. I’m so glad I put this post out there because I’m getting such insightful responses. Two big takeaways for me going forward are doing more detailed audience analysis before going into an event… and really making sure I do all I can to set things up better (based on that analysis) at the very beginning of each teaching session. Speaking/coaching isn’t a monologue, but a dialogue (if we let it be so). A dance. Thanks for posting. Mark
Gorgeous Lynette,
Thank you, When you’re an expert, (like you), its so much about giving your clients value & help them become the best.To keep preparing clients, meaning managing their expectations, so they can get the most out of the experience, but I believe that during Mark and our talk in Sedona, we didn’t do enough of that. But I do believe everyone wants to grow, so I hold that space for everyone I meet, sometimes it can take some time to take the new in.
Blissings Powerful You, Ingrid
Hi Mark. Thank you for sharing your debut on “fear factor” coach’s style. You tested the waters, and though you usually stay afloat, you panicked when you thought you were sinking. You’re only human. I got your back. Now I have a confession. I tested the waters also, and sent out a few queries without you. Now I am humbling myself to ask for your help. Out of nine queries, I got 3 rejections:one for not following submissions guidelines, others were, “not my kind of book” & two weeks wait .HELP!
Ha ha. I’m really not that bad Juanita and you know it. 😉 By the way, congrats on getting your stuff out there. That’s the most important thing. Sorry to hear you haven’t gotten any positive responses yet. But, as you know, I can help and I’d be honored to do so. It’s good that you have your brother’s support. But now it sounds like it’s time for you to add another person to your team. So, the next step would be for you to sign up here for an introductory coaching call with me: https://literary-agents.com/book-marketing/book-marketing-coach/. I’ll help you as much as I can. And, by the end of the call, we’ll both have a sense of whether we’re supposed to do more together after that. Either way, I’ll help you improve your pitch. Any questions just let me know and/or you can email me here privately: https://literary-agents.com/contact/. Talk soon and have a great weekend! Mark
There is always some truth to what people say-so I would suggest you stay present to what some of those complaints were-and not just brush them aside with some justification about how people need to get over themselves.There is nothing wrong with helping people get past their limitations, but there are ways to do it that are either useful or not. My guess is there was something in your “approach” that was not useful. The content of what you did was fine- how you present it needs some work.
You’re absolutely right. Any time you start to “lose” an audience as a speaker, it’s your fault. And I learned a great deal from the experience. We came on way too strong (talking business) with (mostly) a bunch of newbies that were (for the most part) just trying to find the confidence they needed to start writing their first books. We’re so used to speaking to people more advanced as writers… and we were so focused on how we could help the people there grow… that we tried to push them too far too fast. By the way, don’t worry… I’m way too much of a people-pleaser to not process experiences like this fully and make adjustments going forward. That’s half the reason I wrote this article. To make sense of it for myself, so I could grow. Hopefully, in some way, it can help you do the same. Thanks for posting. Mark
Great response Mark.
Thank you Gwenne, and I really mean that. After I responded to your comment… I realized that I didn’t include enough of the insight that I gained from the experience (my own growth) so I added some more of that to the article… some of the things I wrote in my reply to you. I had already thought of those things but didn’t include them, and I think it made me seem a bit aloof. But I’m really not. Have a great weekend and thanks again for posting. Mark
Another great response. Thank you so much. Much love and peace to you and Ingrid.
Wow! Mark that is fantastic and well written! Thank you for being so transparent. You certainly made a direct hit when you described what coaching is and does. As a professional, certified coach I am frustrated with so many people thinking that coaching is something anybody can do because it’s all about encouraging in a sweet fluffy way. Nope. As you said, it’s about tough love, holding people accountable, stretching them, and exposing how they are holding themselves back. Well Done!!
Hi Leala, coaching is complex isn’t it? It requires so many skill sets that go far beyond the content we offer. You have to a master of psychology: managing expectations and constantly anticipating resistance/challenges that people are going to experience. Then we can have a much higher success and satisfaction rate getting people to their goals. As coaches we have to forever stay humble because there is no true mastery here. Just getting better. Thank you for your thoughtful comments. Mark
I found this article very illuminating. I am a relatively inexperienced indie author. I have self-published two books and am working on a third one. Although I don’t like criticism, I am learning to accept it and learn from it. I am trying to learn from my mistakes and not make them again in current and future work. Like you, I have the option of accepting the bad news and letting it derail my dreams or I can ‘man’ up to it and change my destructive ways. I choose to change and grow.
Hi L.I.! Thanks for posting. If it makes you feel any better, I don’t like criticism either. I hate it. Well, I love/hate it. It’s complex. Love to hate it? Hate to love it? Love and hate it? I guess once we accept the fact that the only way to succeed is to endure criticism, it’s easier to love it. Well, maybe not love it. But tolerate it. Here’s to changing and growing and not letting our fears derail our dreams. 😉 Mark
Unpublished or self published authors need to grow a tough skin. We like what we had done with our manuscript but that doesn’t mean anyone else will like our work. If the people at the seminar couldn’t handle your criticism they should take up something other than writing. If you are told that you do not have a talent for writing thatshould not stop you from continuing to write. Someday hopefully there will be someone like you that will point out where the author has gone astray.
Hi Ruth, thank you for posting. I don’t think it was the criticism that some people had an issue with so much… more that we were trying to get them to think about their writing as a business. Which means you make hard decisions about your investment of time and money, and hold yourself accountable in a different way then when you’re just blissing out writing. Most of the people there were just trying to get the confidence they needed to start writing. So we came on a bit strong. 😉 Mark
I just saw a workshop. Leader seemed to be using it for ego-gratification, to show how vastly superior he was over attendees. His ripping comments were only his opinion. Vulnerability and humiliation of his targets was clear. Pain, too. Exposing somebody to public embarrassment or belittlement doesn’t just destroy the target, it destroys image and message of the “authority”. Don’t care he is nyt bestseller, millionaire w/yacht. To me: jerk. Not impressed.
I wish I could have seen the workshop you’re describing… and you ours. The intention of the presenter is a big part of it, as I’m sure you know. Sounds like the leader you’re talking about was mostly interested in ego, but it’s hard to tell since the only thing we can know for sure (and even that is hard) is our own heart. Showing people their gaps is a critical key to teaching. The key is to get their permission, and do it kindly. That’s always my goal. Getting better at it every day. Mark
don’t know if only interested in ego, but seemed terribly insensitive to others. Is problem when you become self-approved world-acclaimed mind-blowing specialist without actually having proclaimed skills. Is very easy to rip somebody, but not so easy to do. World is diverse place; diversity is essential. He’d rip your site for sure without ever acknowledging the content or actual organization, simply for graphics. To me this is very snarky. “Branding specialists” often get values screwed.
they can’t hear the blackbird singing because they are enamoured with the peacock’s screech and admire the feathers.
My work would be ripped simply not because its good photography, but I do bugs, sports and food. Not allowed. I use my macros as icons and no headshot. My work supercedes me. Watching people get ripped isn’t fun.It hurts. Superficial criticism– this sucks, I hate those colors… doesn’t belong in professional critique. Purpose is to build the person; demonstrate or train skill.
Folks bring the abilities they have. Good teachers/ coaches see the potential and direct attention to improving it. Showing student that focus is on the work and not personal attack is often important to establish. It’s not so important if somebody gets angry;but improvement and new achievement is. Often anger is the catalyst for development. I told my students that it was ok to hate me–they could hate me all they wanted. What mattered is they achieved new goals, gained confidence.
Anger is very good tool for personal development; but most people are taught that anger is bad, evil, destructive, etc–and never ever learn that anger can be their best tool for constructive development.
Good writers and speakers make people angry.They’re provocative, but it’s skilled craft, not just stabbing or snarky commentary. Often it’s showing what’s wrong, but giving the tools and skills to change so the person gains confidence.
hi pogo, i like what you said about anger. frustration and anger are often wonderful catalysts for growth… sometimes there is no other way for us to reach our goals… part of nature’s design that keeps us striving. otherwise everyone would just eat and sleep and watch tv all day. but the tool used to make people angry is a sharp one, and it can cut people just as it easily as it can help them craft something beautiful. mark
Mark, thank you for sharing this experience. You have just taught me at least two lessons. One, that no matter how famous, experienced, etc. someone is, there will be moments like this. Learning moments, fearful moments, embarrassing moments. So, as an average Joe, I can expect them and should embrace them as a positive growth experience. Two, when I edit at work, I shouldn’t feel so guilty about making necessary changes and should try to make that activity a learning moment for the writer.
So true. It was crazy. We literally had some people crying (in a good way) at the end of our first session. And then this after our second session. Talk about getting knocked off your pedestal. Ha ha. Life’s natural process of checks and balances. I’m good with it all because I keep learning how to take the most awkward and uncomfortable situations, like this one, and turn them into opportunities. If we can do that, we’ll all be more successful. Thank you for sharing and being open. Mark
As someone who has been sitting on top of a book for almost two years now, that I believe is going to be a bestseller one day, I would welcome any comment or constructive criticism from any professional in the literary world. Those three who were in the “shark tank” have no idea how lucky they were to have such an opportunity. Any aspiring author who can’t handle some negative criticism is not going to get very far. Your complete honesty, Mark, has always been appreciated.
Hi Ron, the folks in the shark tank itself did quite well (brave souls). It was, ironically, some of the folks in the audience that were more challenged. Ultimately it was our fault as presenters. We tried to push people a little too far in too short a time, and we neglected some critical “setup” that would have made things smoother. Any time you start to lose an audience as a speaker, coach, or writer… you have to own it. So I’m as much to blame as anyone. Thanks, as always, for posting. Mark
I saw students for 16 weeks teaching writing at the college level–lots to do in a short time. I had to move them out of their comfort zones allowing them to ride on my shoulders until they could pick it up. As their self confidence grew, their writing improved correspondingly. It seems to me that you took on an enormous task accomplishing the same thing in a few hours. It stands as a testament to your effectiveness that even a few converted motivation into action. Well done! –jr
Hi Jeanann, you just revealed another why it can be so difficult as a speaker/coach to swoop in to an event and create “quick, instant change.” Awesome. The only way to do it is pre-cue everyone as much as you can to what’s coming… get as many people “buying in” to the process as possible… and then give ’em what you got, no holding back. Intense. The good ones get it. Others aren’t ready, but some sinks in for later. And sometimes there is a bit of fallout. Thanks for sharing. Mark
Thank you, Mark, for your courage in sharing your learning with us. I agree that authors need to learn how publishing is a business. Even a spiritual/metaphysical, intuitive/sensitive writer needs to learn about what they want to get into — publishing, or decide not to get into.
Your story is empowering to me as a speaker and a coach; I find when I prepare to speak I also need to practice stepping into my truth, regardless of how people may perceive me, or the truth I’m sharing.
Hi Beth, thank you… wasn’t sure how this one would go. But the best writing, at least when it’s personal, often requires risk. So I’m glad to see that people are, for the most part, taking this article the way it was intended. Last night I kept nagging Ingrid to look at the comments this post was getting (including yours) because, as I told her, she’s the real hero of this story. Like you, I am still learning to to get stronger as a speaker/coach in the way that you described above. Mark
Hum! I’ve NEVER felt what you describe in your Sadona experience in our relationship which is to coach and improve me to accomplish what I love doing. Sometimes a moment is just not right… maybe the energy was disorganized because so many preconceived ideas were struggling one with the other. Moments are about learning but also about allowing. I’m just glad you wrote this piece because I’ll be more aware of my own responses to change.
Hi Janet, you are so right… and thank you for saying that. By the way this was a rare occurrence… that’s partly the point. Like you said there were many things about this event moment that led to things going a bit awry. No one’s fault, really. It was just this odd kind of perfect storm based on several little factors, that all added up to a wonderfully uncomfortable learning experience for everyone. At least that’s how I’m choosing to look at it. And I hope everyone else does as well. Mark
In the “olden days,” newspapers were notorious for having hard-nosed editors who roasted cub reporters for any minor glitch in a story. That’s how cub reporters grew into hard-nosed editors. Of course, Vince Lombardi was legendary for his tough-love methods of coaching the Green Bay Packers. He’d blast his players if they didn’t get up from the ground immediately after being knocked down or tackled, injury or not. My most memorable high school teacher was the toughest one. Mark, you done good!
Hi David, first off… congrats on winning an Amazon gift card since you were randomly selected from everyone who left comments last week. I always appreciate your interaction, insight, and support. It means a lot. And, as a football fan myself, in a world of writers where most of them don’t know what the letters NFL stand for, it’s great to see a Lombardi reference. Thanks, as always, for sharing and connecting. Go Packers. And have a great weekend. Mark
Oh, forgot to say that I just sent you the Amazon gift card… just in case you haven’t gotten it yet. Mark
I did receive the gift, and thanks so much! I’m late responding because of several days spent on internet/computer malfunctions.
My wife also loves football, and Green Bay was our first favorite until we moved from Illinois to Montana, where TV game coverage was limited to the Minnesota Vikings. We got to California just when Joe Montana was leading the 49ers to its string of Super Bowls. In each case, it was the coach — Lombardi, Bud Grant, Bill Walsh who sealed our support for those teams.
Hi David, no worries and I’m jealous of your wife. Mine hates football. It’s her one fatal flaw. Good thing is that she has a million other good qualities to make up for it. 😉 Mark
Like any sport (life in general) love grows with knowledge. Neither Darlene or I was interested in football until we watched a couple of games during gatherings with friends or relatives. The more we understood, the more we liked it. Same with golf, figure skating, or playing poker. We “hated” ice hockey — until the “Miracle on Ice” U.S. victory over the former Soviets in the 1980 Winter Olympics. In any case, like you and Ingrid, we treasure everything we have in common. Nothing else matters.
A job you love. Someone to share it with. And getting your books out into the world. That’s the definition of a good life to me. Well said. Mark
It reminds me of when I attended a Vipassana 10 silent meditation retreat, and tried to escape on day 2… they found me lost in the forest, mumbling to myself. The teacher later told me, “This is not about finding butterflies and rainbows, but finding your inner truth.” I said, “Screw that, I want the God damn butterflies and rainbows, that’s why I’m here!” He said, “Enjoy your illusions.” then walked away.
After 10 days of living hell, I eventually I found the butterflies and rainbows. 🙂
Gil, this sums it up so succinctly… awesome. Even better is the fact that you had the courage to share it. THAT is what it’s all about. This is so good that I think I’m going to have to share it with my list somehow. Too good. When I saw this come in last night on my iPhone, while I was watching the Miami Heat/Pacers basketball playoff game, I laughed so hard that I had to leave the game and go read it to Ingrid. Mark
If I attend for one of your seminars, I will remember to bring a helmet, knee pads, boxing gloves, and probably a small supply of Valium… 😉
Gil, you are hilarious. Have I told you lately that I like you? Seriously. And I haven’t forgotten our phone call and follow-up, by the way. Yesterday got away from a bit when I was writing this article. I knew it was going to be time-consuming because I had to do my best to get the tone just right, to prevent upsetting anyone else. 😉 But it took longer than I thought. But I’ve got my coffee here now and I’ll be reading the stuff you sent me after I reply to the rest of my comments here. Mark
Mark – What a great article. Sometimes it is good to be moved out of our cradles of comfort and into change.
Appreciatively,
Barbara
Hi Barbara, you’ve probably heard this before… but they say that the most difficult things to write… that we’re not sure we SHOULD write… are often the BEST things to write. This definitely falls into that category, so thanks for being the first to leave a comment. Especially one in support of the balance between comfort and change. Beautifully said. I appreciate YOU. Have a great weekend and thanks againn for posting. Mark
Sir:
I think you need to begin every speech/consultation/post/etc. with:
“Hello. You don’t live on Storybook Lane anymore where the flowers are lollypops and the rainbow is soda-pop.” And then show a thick folder or reject letters.
Thanks
NR
Washington DC
Hi NR, funny you should say that. One of the most popular talks I ever gave was at a writers’ conference in Jacksonville, FL. I gave a keynote address but then had to come up with another presentation on the spot after another speaker canceled. So I pulled out a pile of query letters that I had with me and read the opening line or two of each one out loud. Then I gave my perspective on what I thought. Most of the time I never got past the first couple sentences. Although sobering, people also found it enlightening… understanding why agents react the way they do. Also understanding that most agents don’t get past the first few sentences if they’re not extremely well-written. Thanks for posting and sharing your support. Mark