By Becca Besser (Guest Post)
Are you a sensitive author or artist? – Get over it!
Recently, I read this article on Mark Malatesa’s blog about how a speaking/training engagement he and his wife presented didn’t go as well as planned: Author Armageddon. It really got me thinking…
I know writers are sensitive about rejection and about learning and being pushed out of their comfort zone. I also know that if you never leave your comfort zone, you’ll never grow.
Learning = Growing.
After reading the blog post I realized I’m one of the people who wouldn’t have walked out of the room. I’m one of the people who would have stayed and took value from the efforts they were putting forth with the “Author Hot Seat” exercise. I want to learn, and I want to grow.
I’m one of those oddball people who will intentionally JUMP out of my comfort zone in an effort to get past what makes me uncomfortable. For example… A few years ago, one of my writing goals was to send out a set number of submissions in one year. (I’m thinking it was 100 or 150.) I submitted around 200 times in that year, smashing my goal. It was also my most published year. It wasn’t about writing new pieces, it was about putting myself out there and practicing following guidelines, and MOST OF ALL, it was about taking away the sting of rejection.
I basically beat any negative feelings associated with a rejection out of myself. When I received a rejection, it wasn’t about not being published anymore, it was about sending it out again and increasing my submission count. I got to the point where I actually looked forward to rejections so that I could turn around and send the piece out again. (Most were poetry or short stories.)
Don’t get me wrong, I was equally excited about acceptances, because that’s what I was really after. I just found a way to make rejection work for me.
I beat the sensitive artist bullsh*t out of my system. There’s nothing wrong with being sensitive, mind you, but you need to control it and get over yourself in some areas. It’s awesome to be sensitive when you’re writing a story, or a song, or giving a character depth, but it has to stay there. Like it or not, writing is a business. You have to treat the sales/publication end of writing as the business that it is! Which means, rejection isn’t personal. It is just business! I don’t know of any editors who actually like sending rejections. Believe me, they WANT to publish things that are up to par and meet their needs.
Since I’ve trained myself to not take rejections personally, I’ve actually had editors who’ve rejected my work give me compliments on how I’ve dealt with the rejection. I don’t know… Maybe since I’ve built a name for myself and have been widely published by a variety of small presses in the Indie community, people think I’m going to be a diva. Nope. I have no interest in getting upset. I’ve been on the editing end and I know the reason some rejections come about (something else that helps me). I know they aren’t targeting me or singling me out.
I’m glad that pushing myself out of my comfort zone has helped me grow, and through those comments/compliments from editors I respect, I know I’ve grown more professional because of my self-inflicted experience.
People like Mark and Ingrid who will spend their time trying to help writers grow should be valued – people only help when they care. They wanted to help those writers, but those writers still had rainbows and kittens in their writer’s vision, and they hadn’t felt the cold sting of rejection over and over – the polish used to make writers truly shine.
If you’re going to be a writer, write. Just don’t expect everything to be easy and to stay within your comfort zone. You’re going to have to face harsh realities.
Value what those who know more than you try to teach you. Even if it hurts a little. 🙂 If you have to, beat the sensitivity out of yourself like I did.
Don’t be the one to walk out and quit on yourself or those who have faith in you because they aren’t stroking your sensitive little ego.
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Related Post – Check it Out!
If you liked this guest post by Becca Besser, check out this
1-hour audio interview where she shares her best tips
about how to write, publish, and promote a book.
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BECCA BESSER is the author of the novel Nurse Blood and one of her short stories was recently published in the short story anthology Anything But Zombies (Simon & Schuster/Atria Books). Becca has been published over 200 times in magazines, ezines, anthologies, literary journals (poetry & photography), nonfiction collections, and on blogs. Undead Drive-Thru, her first zombie novella, has been compared to the works of Stephen King and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. An anthology which Becca edited and has a short story in, Earth’s End, won the Turning Pages Book of the Year 2012 Reader’s Choice Award in the Scifi category. Becca has also edited nearly a dozen books as a professional editor. Learn more at www.rebeccabesser.com and check out Becca’s blog at https://rebeccabesser.wordpress.com.
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MARK MALATESTA is a former literary agent turned author coach. Mark now helps authors of all genres (fiction, nonfiction, and children's books) get top literary agents, publishers, and book deals through his company 
MARK MALATESTA is a former literary agent turned author coach. Mark now helps authors of all genres (fiction, nonfiction, and children's books) get top literary agents, publishers, and book deals through his company 
Haha, I know exactly what she’s talking about when she says that she started looking forward to rejections. I am the same way… I just wish that agents who are going to reject me will hurry up and do it so that I can move on to query the next one in line in that particular agency. Still, this also comes from someone who receives acceptances as well. It is hard to stay positive when you are working your butt off and still getting a 0% response.
🙂
They’re responding faster now that summer is almost over… one more week and they’ll be even faster!
– Mark
Mark Malatesta
The Bestselling Author
http://thebestsellingauthor.com
Literary Agent Undercover
https://literary-agents.com
As a freelance editor, I’m always telling my clients how important it is to develop rhino skin. In fact, the first thing I tell them is I’m going to be tough on their manuscript, so if can’t take a little criticism, I’m probably not the editor for you. Agents, editors, and even readers are going to question, critique, review, reject you. As an author you can’t take rejection or criticism personally or you’re never going to make it in the publishing business.
Thank you for sharing that Hanna… love your comment… for those authors who are more focused on getting results… than their fear or other feelings that might hold them back… are much more likely to make it.
Have a great day, and week!
– Mark
Mark Malatesta
The Bestselling Author
http://thebestsellingauthor.com
Literary Agent Undercover
https://literary-agents.com
Rejection is part of learning. Just as making mistakes is. The difference is if you have learned something or not.
My question Mark, is I have used your ‘find an editor’ and sent out three emails to see what type of a response ‘if any’ I would receive. How do you get paid in all of this. What did I miss? I know there is more!
Well said Rex, and there’s no charge to use my literary agent directory or the other resources on my websites. The only pay-to-play thing that I offer is coaching (primarily) to help authors get agents. If you want to learn more about that, click here: http://thebestsellingauthor.com/coaching/intro-call/.
Also…
If you haven’t already done so, make sure you click here to access to all the valuable resources I have about getting an agent in my private, members-only area (no charge): http://thebestsellingauthor.com/membership/. Once you’ve entered your name and email address there, click on the link that says, “Audio Training Library”. Then you’ll see my main audio training (and text transcript), which reveals the 7 Insider Secrets You Need to Know to Get a Top Literary Agent, Publisher, and Book Deal (it’s one of the best things that I have to offer here).
If you want help with anything else, you can post more questions for me online here: http://thebestsellingauthor.com/ask/. And, again, you can register for an introductory coaching call with me here: http://thebestsellingauthor.com/coaching/intro-call/. Either way, I’m looking forward to learning more about you and your work.
Have a great day, and week!
– Mark
Mark Malatesta
The Bestselling Author
http://thebestsellingauthor.com
Literary Agent Undercover
https://literary-agents.com
Hi Mark, Thanks for sending me that article. What Becca says is correct. However, a music composer informed me that he always appreciates what his students do and lets them know first. Then, he discusses what is wrong with their piece. As an art instructor, I find his way works well, too. Criticism can be devastating to any person, and I feel one has to be understanding and treat people the way you yourself would like to be treated.
Hi Esther… absolutely… that’s just as important. 🙂
Have a great day, and week!
– Mark
Mark Malatesta
The Bestselling Author
http://thebestsellingauthor.com
Literary Agent Undercover
https://literary-agents.com
What Becca says is so true. You can’t take rejection personal because every story is not for everyone. Keep knocking and someone will open the door. Remember, your faith is not in those to whom you make your submissions, but it is in yourself.