What’s the most important key to reaching your goals as an author? Here’s a hint: It has nothing to do with your work ethic, concept, content, craft, style, or platform. Instead, it has everything to do with what you’re writing…in your head.
Now, this article isn’t going to ask you to say positive affirmations in front of a mirror. It’s not going to ask you to meditate. And it’s not going to suggest that you start chanting or ohming (not that there’s anything wrong with those things).
It’s just that you’ve heard
those things before…
This is different.
The strategy I’m sharing with you today is the most important thing I learned last year. And that’s saying a lot since there were 365 days in the year. I learned a lot last year, and I was already familiar with most of the success, business, and personal development concepts floating around the universe…before I stumbled over this one.
So, I hope you take
this article seriously.
These aren’t
just words.
This is
your life.
These are your dreams
I’m talking about.
* * *
The Little Boy that Couldn’t (or Didn’t Want To)
Last December, as the holidays started creeping closer, I started doing exactly what you were doing: reflecting, refocusing, and looking forward to the New Year.
During that process…
I discovered there’s a little 10-year-old boy
trapped in this 43-year-old man’s body.
He likes to
throw tantrums.
And he loves
to say “No.”
He also
loves to say:
“I can’t.”
“Maybe.”
And…
“I’ll do it later.”
* * *
My Inner Brat
Once I realized that my inner child was throwing fits (thank you to my lovely wife, Ingrid, for pointing that out), I could see how much it was affecting my (our) life. When you’re a child you might be put in “timeout,” lose your toys for a while, or miss out on cool trips to the ice cream shop or faraway magical places like Disneyland.
When you’re an adult,
you miss out on other things.
For example, if you’re an author, your inner brat can prevent you from getting published. In my case, I realized my inner brat might cause me to lose my best friend (Ingrid) if I didn’t change.
Don’t get me wrong…
Ingrid and I are a power couple in many ways. We’re probably happier than most couples, and we’ve achieved a lot of our goals together over the last 14 years. But we’re far from perfect. And that’s mostly my fault.
You see, Ingrid’s best quality (in my opinion) is her natural born ability (or well-practiced skill?) to constantly say, “Yes!” and “What if?” Although Ingrid is a master at being blissful in the present moment, she’s also (simultaneously) thinking about going bigger and she’s thinking about what she (we) can do next.
She’ll say things like:
“Let’s become the absolute best in the world at what we do. Let’s move to New York City or Beverly Hills and play on a bigger stage. Let’s impact a billion people with our work. Let’s create a billion dollar business. Let’s do more with nonprofits and charities. Let’s experience the best of everything life has to offer. Let’s go faster, because we can. Just say YES.”
When Ingrid and I first met, her grand vision excited me. Ingrid’s drive and optimism were two of the reasons I was so attracted to her. But her big thinking also scared me to death and became a source of severe stress. It challenged me, caused me to doubt my ability, and sometimes made me think Ingrid was delusional. And I’d really lose it when she told me that I was holding us back because I was thinking small.
I’d reply to her
and say things like:
“It’s great to have that vision but a million people wouldn’t so bad, or even a few hundred thousand. Plus it takes time to create everything. Someone has to do the work to make it happen. I can’t do more than what I’m doing right now. You have great ideas but they’re not grounded in reality. You have the big vision, but I have to take care of all the details. Maybe we’d get there faster if you’d spend less time meditating and more time implementing.”
I know,
it’s embarrassing.
But it’s the truth.
If it helps, at least I didn’t say things like that to Ingrid very often. It was more of a silent, and (dare I say it?) abusive undercurrent. But that didn’t make it any less toxic or debilitating. At least I can see it now and admit it. I was tearing Ingrid down to make myself feel safe, adequate, and more in control.
Why am I
telling you this?
Because I know, on some level,
you’re doing the same thing
with yourself.
When you think about becoming a bestselling author (and you think about doing what you need to do to make that happen), part of you gets afraid. Part of you tells yourself that it has to take longer than it really does. Part of you thinks you don’t have the ability. Part of you thinks you’re not ready. And part of you thinks you’re delusional.
So you say toxic and debilitating things to yourself. But that part of you isn’t the real you—the adult you. It’s your inner brat.
So…
* * *
What If?
The solution is simple, and it really works. I’m living proof (just ask Ingrid). Have hope ladies, men can change—although it might take us more than a decade to do it.
Here it is…
If you want to reach your publishing goals
this year, follow these three steps:
First, you need to have a dream
and a burning desire to
become a bestselling author
(that’s the easy part).
Second, you need to be honest with yourself about the fact that you have an inner brat that’s holding you back (we all have one, so the sooner you admit that, the sooner you’ll reach your goals).
Third, you need to start catching yourself every time you get afraid of your potential failure (or success). You need to catch that little boy or girl inside yourself. You know, the one that likes to make pouty faces and say things like:
“No.”
“I can’t.”
“Maybe.”
And…
“I’ll do it later.”
Instead, you need to
start saying:
“Yes.”
“Absolutely!”
And…
“What if I could
accomplish x, y, and z?”
“What would I actually need
to do to make that happen?”
On some level you already know that your mind (and the universe) have a funny way of showing you solutions… but only after you say “Yes!” and make a real commitment.
Now…
PLEASE don’t think to yourself that you’re doing this already. I know you’re doing it sometimes. But you have to do this constantly if you want to reach your goals. Not just when you’re in your zone, but also when you’re most afraid. And that is not easy. Believe me, I know. It takes a burning desire and a lot of practice (and often a third party to remind us).
But it’s worth it.
And…
If you don’t do it…
It could (it will) cost you your publishing dreams,
and it could cost you one or more of your relationships.
So say “Yes!” and we’ll reach our big goals together this year. You’ll become a published author (maybe a bestselling author). And I’m going to be there with you, helping you…but also challenging you (and myself) along the way.
By the way, did I tell you that Ingrid and I are moving to Beverly Hills this spring, from the quiet little Colorado town where we are now? We’ll be hiring more staff? We’ll be speaking at lots more events all over the country? We’ll be introducing lots of new products, events, and services? And that’s just the beginning.
I’m getting excited
(and nauseous)
just thinking
about it.
Why???
Because I have no idea how we’re going to make it all happen. But I do know we’ve made a serious commitment to figure it all out. And I really do want us to live our BIG life.
And so, we will.
Now…
What are your big dreams for this year, and what
does your inner brat have to say about them?
Tell me below…
And, if you haven’t already done so, click here now and listen to the FREE 60-Minutes “Best Year Ever” Audio Training that Ingrid and I recently recorded…to help you make the next twelve months your best ever.
Here’s to thinking big.
And going big,
– Mark
* * *
* * *
MARK MALATESTA is a former literary agent turned author coach. Mark now helps authors of all genres (fiction, nonfiction, and children's books) get top literary agents, publishers, and book deals through his company 
MARK MALATESTA is a former literary agent turned author coach. Mark now helps authors of all genres (fiction, nonfiction, and children's books) get top literary agents, publishers, and book deals through his company 
The thing that annoys me most is I’ve been working harder trying to attract an agent/publisher than writing the novels. At least it feels that way. Maybe because the writing it self doesn’t feel like work. Querying and synopsis
Writing feels like a month of Thursdays.
Hi Laura, I was talking to an author about this today. Sometimes, the moment you get so sick of it that you (almost) stop caring… it happens. All I know, in your case, is that it will happen. I’m not going to stop believing. I know it’s just a matter of time. Mark
Mark, thanks for the article. Through my life journey and much counciling I have found my inner child. I am 3/4 finished with my book, and much of it features that child. He is about 5 years old, and if I don’t pay attention to him, he really raises havoc.
Until i read your article, I didn’t realize that anyone else knew of the inner child.
Thanks again
Jim
Hi Jim, thank you for having fun with me and posting a comment. You can play with your inner child, and you should. Just don’t let me him stop you from going big. Here’s to your success. All my best. Mark
My innergirl is 9-12 years old and is sort of a timeshifter. She’d rather be playing the organ or clarinets or doing garden stuff. We have a bunch of weeds to pull and 32 roses to prune and spray. Plus we have half of a dead lawn to dig out so we can plant colorful, drought tolerant flowers. Yeah and we have some manuscripts to proofread and get ready to send out to an agent…even though we’d like to be playing in the bands, playing in the yard etc.
Hi Bev, you’re fantastic. Thanks for putting the same kind of thought into your comment that I put into my article. 😉 Have a great day and don’t forget to play. Mark
You’re right about one thing, it all begins with a dream…as a musician I learned early about achieving your goals, it takes lot of hard work too come up with an idea for a book and then try to put it all together…
Hi James, amen brother. Thanks for posting and have a great weekend! Mark
Mark, I agree you and Ingrid are a power couple, your committed to one another and your businesses. Beverly Hills is the place to be I wish you all the best. Mark I like your honesty, it certainly food for thought. I enjoyed!
Guess what! I’m getting ready to send in my questionnaire once I figure out how send it. Is the information at the end of the Author Quesionnaire? Looking forward to talking to you soon. I misplaced the info can you please email it to me.
Thanks,
Evie
Hi Evie, thank you for your kind words. I hope you’re having a great weekend, and I’m looking forward to our call. No rush though. I only want you when you’re ready! Then we’ll have a great call. Mark
What I love about this article is that it shows how you and Ingrid complement each other. Even though you are powerful business partners, Mark deals in the “no” business (of publishing) and Ingrid works in the “yes” business (of branding). Discovering when your inner brat is saying “no” instead of your practical “let’s see how to make this work” is an inspiring way to start the year. Thanks for the article.
Hi Jen, thank you for that and Happy Sunday! Mark
Mark, I have always been a big thinker, with big dreams. In the past 40 yrs I have made many come true. However, don’t sell yourself short, it is very worthwhile in any partnership to have one person with the big ideas and one who is grounded. A chick in the nest has to have both feet on the ground in order to take of and fly. Same with writing you can’t sell the book if it’s not written. I have found you to be a very positive person and in the time I’ve known you WOW have you come a long way
Hi Erik, I appreciate that… very much. The problem is that II was giving myself and my way of doing things (and looking at things) too much merit… making myself and my way more important… and making any other way wrong or less important. I absolutely know that my work ethic and ideas and unique skills are a big part of the reason I’m achieving what I’m achieving… and my clients are achieving what they’re achieving… but I also know that Ingrid’s greater vision and laser focus on going faster is half the reason I am where I am. Me learning to see the power of that and honor it as much as my own approach has been humbling and even more empowering… and it’s creating more harmony if our lives. That’s what I was trying to say. 😉 Mark
Another brilliant, honest & challenging article –another reason why I could never unsubscribe, even when I do feel overwhelmed by too many emails (mostly from other businesses)…another reason why I believe you are the best person I’ve found who could help my husband become a best-selling author. One day I believe he will call on you for coaching… and include you ( and Ingrid) in the acknowledgments in his first book (of many).
Thanks, Mark..
from Gai
Hi Gai, thank you for that. And I would love to help your husband make it happen… so I’m glad you’re a longtime member of my community. And I do hope he’ll follow up if/when he’s ready. It brings us incredible joy to help people get their books out there, the right way. Have a great weekend, thanks for reading, and thanks for stopping by to say hello. Mark
I was just journLing last night about how I’m a mediocre writer. Not even bad enough to be terrible, which oddly, gets published and made into Fifty Shades of Film. But also not good. Just mediocre.
Part of that was fueled by the sub zero weather we’ve had that had frozen my writing cells. But today I wrote for five hours straight, and I feel slightly less mediocre today.
;D
Hi Laura, you are too funny. Have I told you that lately? Great is good. And terrible is good. It’s only mediocre that’s bad. Good thing that in truth you’re not mediocre. One day soon you’ll get confirmation on that from a top agent and publisher. It’s simply a matter of time. Don’t let the cold weather freeze your brain and make you more susceptible to your inner brat. You’re the real deal. mark
Nicely said.
I definitely have a little brat (ok, maybe a big one) living inside me. No wonder sometimes it feels overcrowded in here.
It is something I have been working on, and yet, she is very friendly with a certain inner critic and when they gang up on me it’s hard to resist just taking a nap.
Thanks for the reminder.
Our big move was from New York to Boulder about eight years ago and we love it here. What small town in Colorado will be losing you and Ingrid?
Best of luck with the move.
HI Lisa, I love it. And, you’re going to love this. We’re living in Boulder right now. If we end up working together before I move, we’ll have to meet face to face. We’re also planning to do some kind of event before we take off as well. Haven’t set a date yet though. Have a great weekend and thank you for taking time out to say hello, and be vulnerable with me, about your inner brat. 😉 Mark
Yes, I have a very loud inner brat -voice way above acceptable decibels. Must cultivate an inner Ingrid.
Hi Kathleen, I have to say… your line about cultivating an inner Ingrid was so good that I told her about it. Of course she loved it. Ha ha ha. Have a great weekend and keep me posted on your progress! Mark
This is a new E-mail address for me, also ‘branding my website’ (your suggestion) You have me doing a lot of work, but the reward is the work – figuring out things like ‘links,’ ‘posts,”blogs,’not to mention the technical stuff required to reach out. I just started my first facebook account and have acquired many church friends and many more churches are ‘likeing’ my site, though it is not ‘there’ yet, I’m seeing a product that is going to be hard for a publisher to turn away from. Thanks Mark
Hi Tom, thank you for that. I’m glad it’s all clicking for you AND you’re willing to do the work. I love it. Have a great weekend and hope to see you again soon. Mark
This is a great post, Mark, and it got my day off to a good start. Thank you! Also, congratulations and good luck on your upcoming move to Beverly Hills. As a former Broomfielder, I know that’s a big change, but I’m sure you’ll be awesome!
Hi Daniel, and thank you for the kind comment. I hope your entire week went well, and that the rest of year goes in the right direction as well. Let me know if I can help you in any way. Mark
“Inner brat.” Very well put. As one who struggles with depression (it is mostly under control, but depression really is incurable, just as alcoholism is), that inner brat can be a Chuckie to my self-confidence, and lately (along with the holidays and some family issues) it has wreaked havoc on my work ethic.
How do I work my way out of it? I remember my original goals, and really focus hard on “what can I do TODAY”?
Hi Harold, my secret weapon… as you know… is Ingrid… because we work together and bring the best out in each other as a result… since we know what we each should be doing and… in some ways… we hold each other accountable. Most people… even if they have a supportive spouse or friend… still need something more. It’s normal. That’s why having the right friend(s) and business colleagues, mastermind group, coaching, etc. are so important. Of course you need a burning desire to reach the goals as well… and good goals. But also… something that’s often overlooked… is the belief that we can reach our goals. And massive action (thank you Ingrid) is one of the best ways (that I personally buy into) that keeps Chuckie at bay. I also know, because I know you and your work pretty well, that you can go as big as you want to go with your brand. It’s just a matter of persistence and patience. I know, doesn’t sound very sexy. But it is what it is. And once you get where you want to be, it’s incredibly sexy. 😉 Mark
Mark your are so right when you say that our inner child may be holding back our dreams. Well I live in New York City and it isn’t the place that is important to realizing your dreams it is what and the way you plan to make them happen. With your guidance I am tackling the challenge of finding the right agent to represent my work. The second part is all up to me and that is to make my previous two novels available to a targeted and wider audience. The challenge is to do both at the same time.
Hi Pat, the number one thing they stress when buying real estate is location, location, location. In many businesses, it doesn’t matter where you live. In my business, where I live won’t decide my success or failure. But living in LA or NY definitely will allow me to take everything to the next level, and motivate me, even more, to do it. I’m so proud of what you’re doing with your work, all the right things, and I look forward to interviewing you later… to talk about how you did it. Have a great weekend. Mark
Brutally transparent. Honestly telling. Lovingly revealing. You are an amazing person Mark Maletesta – as if I was saying anything new to you! Thank you for your heart, your mind and your willingness to share them with the other 7 billion of us spinning wildly on this planet. I think Ingrid and Tami are cut from the same cloth. Blessings to you this coming year. Talk soon.
Hi Craig, you are a lovely, lovely man. Thank you for your wonderful comment. And I will tell Ingrid what you said. Here’s to great success for you this year. This is going to be THE year for you, the gamechanger. Keep me posted on your progress and, yes, I hope to catch up with you soon. Let’s make it a celebration. Get those queries out and it’s going to happen soon. Love to you and Tami. Mark
I loved what you said, and it is absolutely true. I have been coached in self motivation, as well as with the synergy of like-minded individuals. negative thoughts can thwart your affirmations, and aspirations. Thank you for helping me to remember that! I really appreciated it.
Hi Flash, are you thinking BIG? It’s been a while since you read my article so I figured I would ask! Thanks for posting your comment and I wish you great success this year. Let me know if I can help you in any way. Mark
Mark! I have to admit- in opposition to what my little brat says – that I have really created a wonderful meditation book. My dream is (shut up brat!) that millions of people will use it to coordinate their mental powers to create marvelluos things.YES!!!!
Thank you for being honest about yourself! If you happens to meet a lady like Ingrid you can send her to me. I´ll pay the postage. I do really need your help ! Better to have good help than to make a smaller goal that me and my little brat can achieve ourselves.
Yours
Åke lundberg
Hi Ake, thank YOU for having a sense of humor with me and sharing YOUR experience. Here’s to thinking big and I’d love to help you get to the next level with your work, if that feels right to you. So let me know what I can do. Here’s to your publishing success… and finding your life partner… this year. All my best. Mark
Some inner children keep us honest on an altruistic steady path. Mine tells me to keep on with progress and to remember my promises to her youthful times.
Your humor is encouraging and I wish you success. Some day you and Ingrid might laugh along on hearing my Beverly Hills story.
Thank you for that, and I’d love to hear your Beverly Hills story one day. Here’s to your success, and lots of laughter, in this new year. Mark
Gorgeous Mark,
I LOVE, LOVE that you’re saying “YES” because we CAN achieve all we envision… and do it with flair, bliss and dancing the whole way… Love you sharing your little boy but I think he is more in his terrible two’s not 10… but ADORE you and beautiful way to see what MAGIC you are creating… and we are creating.
Heart hugs…
Ingrid
Ha ha ha… too funny. Ten or two? I’m not sure. But either way this little boy is growing up, thanks in large part to your belief in me. Now I hope it rubs off on everyone who reads this article. 😉 xo Mark
Absolutely… I think being honest with ourself is hard but really productive… it makes us stretch… and go beyond what we thought possible… Bliss